016 is the new helpline number for victims of domestic violence in Tenerife - Page 2

cinnamon · 26th November 2007, 16:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I imagine that many will return because it is a more reassuring prospect (especially with promises that it won't happen again) than the prospect of making a new life on one's own (especially with threats that life will be made difficult). And bear in mind, too, that these women have already had huge dents knocked (often physically) in their self confidence and feeling of self worth.

EDIT> was posting similar possible explanation at the same time, Cin ... unfortunately.

you hit it right on the spot, this was how i felt back then

metoyou · 5th February 2008, 21:44

there are many reasons why women don´t leave an abusive relationship. No money (because he´s in control of that), no family or friends to turn to (because he stopped you having any contact with them), fear that he´ll find you, fear he´ll find the children and hurt them to hurt you, low self esteem (you can´t even think what to have for dinner that night let alone plan an escape), embarrassment that you´ve let yourself get into this situation, fear that the authorities will do nothing, hoping that he´ll ´`change´ if you show him enough love etc etc. Its wonderful that there is now a help line in Tenerife. But to the people that say ´oh not me, i´d be off´ let me just say its a long process. The average wife beater does not just beat his wife or girlfriend up after a few weeks together. It starts with controlling and demorolising his girlfriend/wife and mentally abusing her until she no longer has any self worth. And yes i know it happens to men too.

Janet · 6th February 2008, 00:45

I think this is central to the issue. The women who are abused in this way are NOT the same women who entered the relationship in the first place. They have been changed and conditioned to lack the confidence to leave easily. They probably said they'd never stand for it themselves once.

louisem · 3rd May 2008, 17:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by cinnamon

it is hard to explain....i struggled myself far too long to leave and to report it, but looking back it was the only sensible and right thing to do. at that time back then i was in a vulnerable position, not knowing my rights as a foreign resident, panicking what could possibly coming up as a single mum. though i had the support of my family, i thought still i could maybe change him...which was a wrong thought of course. i assume most women feel so out there, helpless and without any self confidence and self esteem, that they rather go back to famliar situations than to face the truth and to walk away.

Have been through a similar situation, you aways think it will get better! It's only when it is finally over do you sit back and reflect. Fear is a very powerful thing.

sunnytenerife · 3rd May 2008, 17:07

At last !!!! its Goood to see that these things are improving here