Do you need cheering up? Tenerife Forum 'Happy Hour'

[Mike in Chayofa]

These are genuine clips from British Council house tenants complaining to the Council about problems with their property!



1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much for me.

5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

17. The man next door has a large erection is the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

[Jenniewhitewave]

Yay! That gave me a giggle! Thanks Mike!

[Mike in Chayofa]

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC .

2 . Name it " Boss "

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY

[Rolzysmum]

That's brilliant - and it really did cheer me up. Thanks Mike!

[fun2bdeb]

Thanks Mike. I really needed that today

[Mike in Chayofa]

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[Daverock]

I like this one

[Rolzysmum]

Originally Posted by Daverock

I like this one

Yeh, good one!

[Mike in Chayofa]

Incidents with Pedestrians.

• The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
• The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.

• Accidents with other vehicles.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
• When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
• I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
• The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
• I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
• I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
• The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
• The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intesection)

• Collisions, calamities, and injuries.
• Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
• As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
• I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
• The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

[colleenp]

brill idea mike.

i'll be on here tomorrow night during cava hour as my best cava buddy is away