Thank You....

MaxineC · 4th January 2008, 13:55

Dear All,

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year...

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl(Penny Brown);
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with
me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore
and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
under the car as there is probably a sex molester waiting underneath my car
to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's gay
beautician.

And, by the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

kelly · 4th January 2008, 13:59

thanks maxine i thought i was the only one

MaxineC · 4th January 2008, 14:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by kelly

thanks maxine i thought i was the only one

I get a ridiculous amount of these mails, all I need to do now is to send a copy of this one back to everybody that sends me a begging/threatening one this year....