1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. In fact, just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
__________________
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The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Natz For This Useful Post:
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. In fact, just leave me the hell alone.
Said the man who was allergic to saop and shower gel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
Not true. The journey of a thousand miles starts with Jose Mourinhio at heathrow about to head to Europe to buy players that can actually win something this season
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
But if they have a BMW X5, thats probably worth nicking over a copy of the sun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Not true. Look at Sammy Lee at Bolton.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Unless your name is Gary Glitter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Or advertise a pass the parcel championships in Bhagdad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
8. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Unless its Ghandi your critising because walking a mile in his flip flops would give you terrible blisters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Or lion tamming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Sounds good to me!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
11. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Your right. I lent a mate 5000 grand for plastic surgery and cant now recognize him to get my money back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Well said. You always know when Im lying because my lips move.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Talking oF windscreens, a bird poo'ed on mine when I was on my way to Las Chafiras the other day. I wont be taking her out again!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
True, Mrs Hitler thought so!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Or give it to me for investment ion your behalf!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Or pies so sod that!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Also may canarian cars!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Tell that to all the MP's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
I hear that quiet a lot!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
True, It would be awefull to fall asleep when in the middle of a great book whilst sat on the toilet!
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to treble99 For This Useful Post:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natz
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
That's why I am always honest... it's less confusing, that way!
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